let's talk about low libido

30-60% of women say that they are having some degree of low libido or other problems with sex at any one time. That is huge! It may be that you are not in that group at the moment, but I think it would be safe to say that the majority of us will have a time where it is a struggle.

So what is low libido? Also known as low sex drive, it is a reduced desire intensity (i.e. you want to less) or a reduced frequency (i.e. you still want to, but less often). It can be temporary or long term. It might be related to reduced desire, reduced ability to orgasm, pain during sex or all three. You might also hear the term “female sexual dysfunction”. This is the newer umbrella term for any and all of the above. I don’t personally love the word “dysfunction” but it can be helpful to know how others may refer to it.

I think a key point here is that it is only a problem if it is causing you distress. A cliche for a reason, but comparison is the thief of joy. In our current world we are saturated with random knowledge all the time and it is incredibly difficult not to compare ourselves to a celebrity or instagrammer - or even a well-meaning friend. If someone says they are having sex twice a day and loving it - good for them! If you are content with once a week or once a month - good for you! That is not low libido, just your libido. So, when defining “low libido” we should include: is it causing you distress and is it something you want to change? (The only caveat to that is if you are actively trying for a baby, as we know that having sex every 2-3 days is one of the things that optimises your chance of success most - see more below).

• Get some support - talk to a trusted friend or see a healthcare professional.
• Educate yourself about your anatomy, how we orgasm, understanding how ageing or postpartum or any of these things that are relevant to your situation impact your sex life.
• With your GP, review your medications; treat any underlying conditions.
• If you have a prolapse or any stress incontinence, think about having some pelvic floor physiotherapy - strengthening and relaxing the muscles. A strong pelvic floor is associated with higher orgasm scores!
• If you are in a low oestrogen state as above, speak to your GP about considering some topical oestrogen cream that might help, or even HRT.
• Lifestyle changes: cut down on alcohol, stop smoking, do regular exercise, all the usual advice definitely applies. Large studies show that overall those who follow close to the Mediterranean diet (perhaps more a lifestyle than a diet…) have healthier, happier sex lives - low in stress, high in olive oil and plants, lower in sugar and meat. Overall - a healthy, balanced diet is always a good thing to work toward!
• Relaxation techniques: from medication to yoga, anything that reduces stress is GOOD for your sex life.
• Vaginal dilators can be very helpful if you have vaginismus.
• Vaginal lubricants during sex. Vaginal moisturisers to reduce dryness. Lots on the market but you want to get as close to the “real” pH of the vagina as possible. Otherwise using things like (clean!) olive oil or coconut oil is fine too. A reminder to never wash the vagina with soaps and other products, just water is fine, as it worsens the problem.

Low libido is common.

Talk about it.

Reducing stress is good.

Think about the cause(s) and work from there.